Thankfulness and Gratitude

The English language has a penchant for having overlapping words – different words that mean the same thing. Given the recent Thanksgiving holiday, one is left to ponder what the difference is between being thankful and being grateful.

I’m not sure what the Webster’s definition is but I’ve always boiled it down to this – you are thankful for what you’ve been given but you’re grateful for what you have. For example, I’m thankful for my wife’s love, but I’m grateful for my wife. A different way of looking at it is that I’m thankful for the turkey and all the trimmings I ate yesterday, but I’m grateful that we had the wherewithal to prepare such a feast.

There are certain things in life that are there for us regardless of what happens – the love of our parents for example or the beautiful world we live in. I’m grateful for those things. There are things that are precious to us that are gifts however and I’m thankful for those things – the presence of friends or my wife’s superb mushroom gravy.

I’ve never been able to really say I’m thankful for being in good health. Health is something you have – nobody gives it to you, unless of course you’re talking about somebody who works out and watches what they eat. Those people have earned good health but a certain portion of health has to do with the hand your dealt. Some people are born with genetic issues that make them sickly or prone to certain sorts of ailments. A friend of mine was born with Type I diabetes and has dealt with those issues all her life, for example. She is grateful for days when her diabetes isn’t an issue.

My family has had a particularly difficult year, with illnesses, unemployment and death. Still, there are plenty of things to be grateful for. We still have, after all, each other and the world we live in. We are thankful that we have much to look forward to – a trip to China, a visit from my sister, perhaps a trip to Toronto for the Film Festival. The point is that even though times have been hard, there are plenty of things that are on the horizon that bring a smile to my face.

At this time of year, sadly, there are a lot of people who feel neither thankful nor grateful. Their lives have become so hard and so painful that they feel there’s nothing on the horizon but more of the same – loneliness, stress and despair. Some of them may feel like there’s no way out for them but the final way; a sure way to end pain.

If anyone reading this is feeling even a glimmer of what I just described please take to heart the following – there is always something to look forward to. There is always a way out. Giving up and taking the easy way is the only sure way of ensuring that there is not. Hope can be a hard thing to come by in a world that can be cold and cruel, particularly to the lonely, but it is there.

I’ve been where you are. I’ve felt the things you feel. I’ve been so full of despair that I wondered why on earth I existed at all other than to be one more meaningless number in a long ledger of failure. I’ve even at a couple of times during my life, considered ending it all. I won’t say that all of us think about it at one time or another but I know that I did.

I’m not saying your feelings aren’t valid or genuine – of course they are. However, the fact that you’re feeling this kind of pain and have felt it for a long time doesn’t mean you will feel that way forever. If there is anything constant in life, it’s this: nothing is constant. Everything changes sooner or later. Things can get better if you’re willing to step out of your comfort zone.

Sound hard? It doesn’t have to be. Start small. Do something simple to make things better – clean your room. Open a window and let the sunshine in. Play a happy song. Don’t have a radio? Sing one.

I used to be extraordinarily shy. In some ways, I still am – when there are phone calls to be made, Da Queen is usually called upon to do the calling. I can be pretty open and outgoing with people I know and care for but left to my own devices with strangers I can get tongue-tied, particularly with women. Meeting girls was painful for me in high school and college, even when I was a young man. I was shy and awkward and had about as much confidence as a barbecue restaurant has salads. I wanted to have girlfriends and be social but I couldn’t get out of my own way. I was lonely and lost.

Things would get worse after my father passed away. There was so much unresolved between us that it began to eat away at me. I began to truly hate myself, not quite to the point of cutting myself like some teenagers will do – I’m far too much of a physical coward for that. Instead, I did things to punish myself. I turned down opportunities to socialize and be happy. I hid from the world, believing the world wanted nothing to do with me.

The odd thing was I was a rock critic at the time and spent a lot of time at concerts and in bars and clubs. To look at me some would have thought that I was okay; I’ve always been a fair actor. If you’d taken a look inside my head at the time, you might have been shocked and alarmed. There was so much repressed emotion, so much self-loathing and I couldn’t talk to anybody about it, not even my family…especially not them. I couldn’t stand for them to know that I was in such pain, especially since they all had their own issues to deal with.

Those repressed emotions and the self-hatred began to fill me up and as with any bucket you put a garden hose into with the water turned on, if you don’t empty these things from inside, it begins to overflow. In my case, there were physical manifestations; panic attacks, nightmares and stomach aches. I really was beginning to lose it and eventually I had a breakdown of sorts.

I was presented a choice at the time; I could allow things to continue as they were, in which case I would be unable to function for much longer, or I could go talk to someone about it. I chose the latter which was a huge step for me. I started seeing a therapist and began talking about all the things that bothered me.

It wasn’t an easy process and it wasn’t a quick one. I was in regular therapy for nearly two years and continued seeing my therapist on a monthly basis for another year thereafter. He never prescribed me any anti-depressants – he didn’t believe in them except as last resorts and I’m glad to say, I got by without them. Today I am as reasonably well-adjusted as can be expected of a human in a world that is not terribly rational. I still wrestle with my demons from time to time but for the most part they don’t have any big finishing moves anymore.

The point is that I did get out of that place; things did get better for me. It took a good deal of willingness to change on my end, and also a willingness to let people in to see the real me. To my utter shock, they didn’t laugh, they didn’t run, they didn’t feel pity or disgust. Mostly, they reached out and hugged me, if not physically then at least emotionally.

These days I feel obligated to return that kind of emotional support. I realized that I wasn’t going to make it left to my own devices – that’s what had gotten me in trouble in the first place. I needed people, friends and loved ones, to share in the healing process, to help me carry my burdens. Sometimes even total strangers would chip in, taking a pound or two off my load. That’s why I can’t turn away from people in pain. When I ask someone, even a casual Facebook acquaintance how they’re doing, if they say “not good,” I drop what I’m doing and give them my full attention.

For those who are feeling lonely, depressed or ignored, don’t wait until it gets so bad that you have to do something drastic. Talk to somebody. If you don’t know anybody, drop me an e-mail. I’d be happy to give you an ear and a virtual hug.

So I am truly thankful for every one of my friends, and for everyone, friend or not, who read this confessional. I am grateful that I am still around to be able to return the favor. If you need something to be thankful for – or grateful for – let’s see if we can’t find it together. I know we can as a matter of fact.

3 Bands That Matter

Music is important. It inspires us, consoles us, uplifts us and comforts us. It is part of what defines us each as individuals. It is a highly personal and subjective thing. What appeals to one person may not necessarily appeal to another. Some people love jazz, others swear by heavy metal, others find meaning in hip hop. For some music is just a means to dance, a conduit to acquiring a lover. For others music is a means of rebelling, of setting ourselves apart from our parents or our community.

We all listen to music for different reasons and with different ears. Like you, I have a great passion for music but I was lucky enough to have a professional interest in it. During the late 80s and 90s, I was a music critic for a variety of publications, mostly the San Jose Metro newspaper but also Calendar Magazine (which would become SF Weekly) and a myriad of online and print magazines. During that time, I was exposed to a wide variety of music from avant garde to alt-country, from reggae to punk, from death metal to Christian rock.

In a real sense, it just means I have an opinion. Of course, we all have an opinion but I was fortunate enough to have a vehicle for expressing it (in an era before blogs, there weren’t a whole lot of those). I tried to use that vehicle wisely. It’s very easy to point a finger at someone’s music and say “that sucks,” or in a more critical way, “that is the aural equivalent of Ex-Lax.” It’s very easy to tear things down, after all. Finding something worthwhile in music you’re not particularly connected to is much harder, and only the really good critics can do that. I have to admit I took an easier route – I tended to only write about bands that I found some connection to. Fortunately, that was fairly easy – I had access to a whole lot of music and there were a lot of performers that caught my ear.

“Bands That Matter” is a terribly subjective appellation. Matter to whom, for example? And how do they qualify? I will admit that this is a somewhat dodgy endeavor, as my English friends might say. For one thing, I’m picking three bands at random that I think are worthy of putting on a pedestal. Some of them are well known, some not so much. I will admit this is more of a self-portrait in my musical taste than a real scholarly effort to discover bands that have made a serious effect on music in general, but I think when you see the list below you will admit that all of these bands have had some sort of impact on music, society or both although truly, some impacts have been more profound than others. One thing to remember – these aren’t necessarily the three bands that matter most, even to me. They are just three of the bands that matter. There are certainly many more that do, which is why this will be an irregular series.

It would be easy to lead off with the Beatles and/or John Lennon here, but I’m restricting my three to bands that are extant in one form or another. This isn’t a list of major hitmakers, although some of these bands have had their share of success on the charts. Mostly these are bands/performers who have either had something to say, or something to share and I think you will agree, the world is a better place for having all of them in it.

U2

Many bands have come and gone since this band burst onto the scene in 1979 but I can’t think of many that have operated for 30 years without changing membership at all. The same four individuals who played on their debut album Boy are still playing in the band today. Unlike other bands that have kept stable, U2 hasn’t been afraid to re-invent their sound from time to time. They’ve gone the pop route, they’ve gone the arena rock route but even when they haven’t been as successful, they’ve always stuck to their convictions.

From the beginning, the band has exhibited a social consciousness, exemplified by their lead singer Bono. As the band would become more and more successful, he would become a tireless advocate for the poor, the starving and the downtrodden. He has lobbied nations and individuals to take a stand to help those in need for various charities, going all the way back to his work in Band Aid, of which he was an integral part. He is one of the most charismatic front men in the business and he has used that to capture the attention of the world media for causes that are important to him ranging from world hunger and AIDS to social justice and global warming. His compassion for his fellow human is exemplary in a business where most rock stars are the definition of self-centeredness.

Bono and his guitarist The Edge have a knack for creating soaring, soul-stirring music that grabs you by the throat and doesn’t let go. Few bands make you want to stand up and cheer for nearly every song in their repertoire, but that’s how U2 affects most people. While they are not as confrontational as, say, the Clash their songs nevertheless cannot be ignored. When you hear “Pride (In the Name of Love)” or “Sunday Bloody Sunday” you cannot really treat them as background noise – they require a response, emotionally or intellectually. Agree or disagree with the bands politics (and they aren’t really political in the sense that they are active campaigners for politicians or a particular political party) you will find yourself responding to their music.

Part of that is due to the guitar work of The Edge. He is the kind of player that plays from the inside out; his style is distinctive but easily accessible. His sound is the equivalent to a falcon in full flight; it soars and moves at speed but can swoop down at any time without warning and tear at you. Before you know it, a piece of you is missing.

REQUIRED LISTENING: The Joshua Tree is their commercial breakthrough, although the band had success prior to that both at home, in the UK and here in North America. It contains many of their signature hits, such as “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” and “Where the Streets Have No Name.” It also has lesser-known songs like “In God’s Country” which are among their best. However it must be said that I have a particular fondness for The Unforgettable Fire which not only contains one of their signature songs (“Pride (In the Name of Love)”) but also two of my very favorites, the title cut (see below) and “A Sort of Homecoming.”

THEY’RE PLAYING MY SONG: The song that has the most meaning to me is the title track from The Unforgettable Fire. It was off the album that marked the beginning of their fruitful collaboration with producers Brian Eno and Daniel Lanois and is one of the rare songs in their repertoire to make extensive use of keyboards in the mix. I still think of it as the quintessence of U2 although there are those who might disagree. More of a soundscape than a song, “The Unforgettable Fire” shimmers with layered guitars and synthesizers while Bono’s voice rings clear as a bell over the aural landscape. I still get chills whenever I hear it.

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

The Boss burst out of Asbury Park, New Jersey on the shoulders of the saucy Latin-spiced “Rosalita” and hasn’t looked back since. He has one of the most rabid fan bases of any performer in rock and roll, and while some regard him as more of a cult item, there is no doubt that Springsteen is one of the most influential performers of his generation.

Few others can lay claim to being the voice of the working class, and in these difficult times we need his voice more than ever. Springsteen’s values are blue collar to the core and American in their essence. While working the bar circuit on the Jersey shore, he assembled the legendary E Street Band, a group of musicians who would complement Springsteen like peanut butter and grape jelly; while Springsteen is the focus of the band being the lead singer, primary songwriter and guitarist, he might be just a great songwriter with a blue collar focus if it weren’t for his musical partner-in-crime saxophonist Clarence Clemons.

There’s something about their collaboration that is truly magical; one can’t think of his great hits “Born to Run,” the aforementioned “Rosalita” and “Dancing in the Dark” without Clemons’ sax. The Big Man is the yin to Springsteen’s yang and in live performances the chemistry between the two is electrifying.

The rest of the band ain’t too shabby either, with Mad Max Weinberg on drums, Garry Tallent on bass, Danny Federici on organ, Roy Bittan on piano, Little Stevie van Zandt (and while van Zandt was pursuing other musical directions, Nils Lofgrin) on guitar and later, his wife-to-be Patty Scialfa would join the clubhouse. 

Springsteen has not been without controversy; when the Reagan campaign appropriated his song “Born in the USA” Springsteen was outspoken with his annoyance. He is a lifelong Democrat who has leant support over the years for Bill Clinton, Barack Obama and Michael Dukakis along with a plethora of candidates for office in New Jersey, not to mention weighing in on subjects near and dear to the heart of his own constituency.

Springsteen’s appeal lays in his ability to get to the heart of the common man. In that sense, his album titled The Ghost of Tom Joad is no accident; Springsteen himself is a latter-day Tom Joad, a decent man with honest values horrified at the liberties taken with the working class. In some ways, he has been able to cross party lines; there are an awful lot of Republicans that I know who think The Boss is Da Bomb and have “Hungry Heart” and “The River” on their iPods.

One of the things Springsteen has managed to do successfully is keep his mystique intact. You don’t see a lot of him in the tabloids and he doesn’t do a lot of interviews. While he has contributed songs to movies like Philadelphia and The Wrestler, he is very careful who he allows to use his music and he has been known not to license his songs to filmmakers when he hasn’t been satisfied with the content or the quality of the movie they’re making. For someone with the kind of popularity he enjoys, he has more or less managed to stay out of the public eye and yet when his concert tour comes through any given city, there is a feeding frenzy to snap up the tickets.

You can safely say that Bruce Springsteen comes from a long and honorable line of musicians that include guys like Pete Seeger and Woody Guthrie, and he keeps the traditions of their music for the common man alive. Springsteen, more than any pop star today, is identified with a specific voice and I don’t mean his singing voice. He is the voice of the factory worker, the mechanic, the construction worker, the farmhand. He sings for the grocery clerk, the waitress and the road worker but you don’t have to be one of those to appreciate his music….or the man.

REQUIRED LISTENING: There are three albums that no Springsteen fan should be without – not that Springsteen fans are without any of his albums. In chronological order, they constitute his most fertile creative period and while he continues to create compelling, important music today I suspect that it is these three albums he’ll be remembered for; Born to Run, an album that would cause him to become the first man to be on the cover of Time and Newsweek in the same week; The River, an epic double album set that is in many ways his most ambitious work of his career and his commercial apex Born in the USA which brought Springsteen out of cult status.

THEY’RE PLAYING MY SONG: When I think of Springsteen, I hear “Jungle Land” off the Born to Run album. This is a song that captures desperation and despair, the triumphs and tragedies of being young and free. It is epic in scope and stirring in places, often juxtaposed by quiet moments of self-doubt and self-realization. The heroes and heroines of “Jungle Land” are flawed but doing their best in a world that has become perdition. Sometimes, it’s not escape that’s important but merely the act of attempting to and that’s what “Jungle Land” is all about.

SIGUR ROS

After the first two bands on this list, I’m sure there are an awful lot of people shrugging their shoulders, rolling their eyes or just saying “Huh?” Certainly this Icelandic band doesn’t have the pop chart success of either Springsteen or U2, nor do they have the presence in the mass consciousness of Americans in general.

That’s not to say that we are the be-all and end-all of world opinion mind you. In fact, in their home country Sigur Ros are much admired and highly popular. More than that, however, they are creating a style of music that is unique and compelling. Whether or not that has any kind of lasting impact on music in general remains to be seen. I can tell you that what they are trying to create should have a lasting impact, if music is to mean anything in the coming decades.

One of the problems I have with modern pop music is its soullessness. The primary motivation to creating music seems to be in moving units, selling albums; making money, in other words. Music is being made by committee, with hired gun songwriters cranking out safe, homogenized songs that are in turn gotten hold of by celebrity producers and session musicians until the performer lends whatever stamp they can on the vocals. It is what “American Idol” is all about and quite frankly symbolizes everything I can’t stand about popular culture in general.

Sigur Ros make music for all the right reasons. They never pursued success; it found them. After one of their songs was used on the soundtrack for Vanilla Sky, people responded and began to seek them out. Eventually their songs would appear in commercials and on blogs. Suddenly there was a demand for them and the band found themselves touring the world, all the while wondering how on earth they got there.

One of the reasons Sigur Ros appeal so much is that while they are proudly Icelandic and carry the values instilled in their upbringing in that society with them, their music is accessible on a global level. While some of their earlier albums were sung in Icelandic, they have taken to giving up lyrics almost completely. Singer Jon Thor “Birgi” Birgisson sings in a combination of nonsense syllables and a kind of free-form Icelandic poetry to create his own language which he calls “Hopelandic,” a play on the title of the band’s debut album.

Birgisson sings in a falsetto that swoops and flutters like a seabird, soaring one moment and whispering the next. His bandmates provide music that washes over you like the cold waters of a mountain stream, enveloping you like a fog. Often their music is quiet and simple, utilizing mostly acoustic instruments. From time to time, the band will exercise their rock urges and when they do, they are overpowering.

What I like best about their music is that it isn’t meant to be listened to, at least as far as I can tell; it’s meant to be experienced, to be felt. It is literally music for the heart, and nearly every song elicits an emotional response. This is not a band that wants to make you angry although some of their themes involve subjects that might be upsetting. This is a band that wants you to feel, and then act on those feelings.

They’re currently on a bit of a hiatus while their members are working on some side projects but they are due back with another album next year. In the meantime, seek out their music, find a quiet place and listen. You will be richly rewarded.

REQUIRED LISTENING: Heima/Hvart is the soundtrack album of their astonishing concert film Heima. The band performed a series of free concerts in a variety of venues around Iceland after returning home from their world tour off of the Takk album. The first disk contains songs from that film; the second, Hvart, contains demos and outtakes of music from throughout the bands career. However if you really want to get an essence of what the band is both live and musically, see the DVD if you can find it.

THEY’RE PLAYING MY SONG: Although in many ways atypical of Sigur Ros’ sound, the track that first placed this band into my heart is “#8 (A.K.A. Popplagio).” From their 2002 album () (which is essentially untitled – as are all the songs on it), the song starts off slow and dream-like, with vocalist Birgisson warbling bittersweet over an almost dirge-like tune. However, the eleven-minute magnum opus doesn’t stay that way. With drummer Orri Pall DyRason signaling the change with a low, unsettling drumbeat, Birgisson steps up with soundless vocals soaring over an unnerving guitar-bass riff, the music swelling until reaching a crescendo of crashing drums and guitars. The effect is invigorating, much like a plunge into a frigid Icelandic lake after a session in a sauna. It’s hard to do anything but applaud and admire upon hearing it.

Adrift on a Sea of Storms

It’s no secret that times are hard, as hard as they’ve been in our lifetimes for most of us. For most of us, we’ve had to contend with prices of necessities rising faster than our salaries. Some of us have had to deal with our jobs disappearing in a plume of smoke while we watch fat cats at the banks and companies who precipitated the crisis get ginormous bonuses while we struggle to keep our mortgages paid.

Times like this can be likened to a storm-tossed ocean that we are swimming in, with no boats and no sign of land. The things we cling to are the things that we reach for even in good times – each other. Family and friends in other words become our life preservers as we watch the Titanic slip below the icy waves.

When we are troubled and sad, we instinctively reach out for the people we trust the most, people who we know are going to be there when we call. There’s nothing worse than sending out a distress call and getting a busy signal, after all. For most of us, we aim our bat-signal very carefully making sure the call for help reaches the right ears.

In a cold world we instinctively reach for warmth. Certain people are human comforters, able to make you feel better with a single word or gesture. We just want to wrap these individuals around us. Others can bring a smile to your face no matter how many tears have fallen or how broken our hearts are. Most of us can name at least one person in our lives we have turned to who provide these things for us.

Often the first person we think to call when the news is bad is our moms. The psychology for this is pretty simple. When we are hurting what we really crave is nurturing. Nobody can comfort you like your mother can. If I had been bullied or made fun of (not an uncommon occurrence in my neighborhood) sometimes just a hug from my mom would be enough to make me feel better. While I don’t recall her baking fresh cookies just because I was feeling down, I think the sentiment was there. My mom knew – and still knows – how to make me smile no matter how down I am.

It has nothing to do with sympathy. Sympathy is easy; buy a card or drop an e-mail, that’s all the commitment sympathy takes. Comfort requires something. It requires time and effort and yes, sometimes it requires cookies. It requires presence and a willingness to continue being present, even if it is inconvenient for you. It is a willingness to open yourself up to someone who is hurting and liable to lash out. It is emotionally draining and time-consuming and often dangerous but it can be rewarding when you know you can be there for someone who needs you. You may not realize it but when you do that you are accomplishing something far more important than anything else you might do.

You see, we’re all in the same stormy waters and the only reason we haven’t drowned yet is that we’re all linked up life preserver to life preserver. Every time someone sinks the water rises a little higher on all of us. That’s because all of us affect at least one other person, and usually more than we think we do. For example the friend we cheer up together goes on to be in a better mood when her son runs to her to be comforted. He in turn shares his cookie with a friend who goes home and gives his big sister a hug who spends the next five hours on the phone with a distraught friend who had he not had a friend at that moment had been contemplating taking his own life.

We’re all connected, tenuously in some cases but all of us live on the same planet, breathe the same air. We all of us have the same basic needs. We may not have the same dreams or the same goals but we all of us feel pain, all of us bleed, all of us can be hurt. When that happens, we all want to feel better, without exception. While some of us draw inward, most of us reach outwards. All of us need a human touch and not just a physical one. Sometimes that touch takes the form of a word or a smile, but we all need it, even the most anti-social of us. That part of us that requires it is the part of us that is most easily wounded.

Not all of us welcome the touch of a stranger and even though we may be well-intentioned, it is usually wiser not to insist. Offer, most certainly – sometimes the offer is the most important thing – but don’t press. If someone wants what you have to give they’ll usually just start talking to you on their own. Even if they desperately need an ear, a hug or a conversation sometimes people need to get their bearings before they’re ready for any of that. Respect the need to bear their own pain in silence, sometimes a person’s dignity is wrapped up in it. Let them come to you on their terms, not yours. After all, it isn’t about you.

If you’re the kind of person that prides yourself on not needing help from anybody, kindly rethink your position. Holding things in is almost always a bad idea. If you don’t know anybody you feel comfortable talking to, find somebody. Talk to a stranger – a therapist, hell a bartender if that’s more up your alley. The point is don’t keep your pain to yourself. Nobody deserves to suffer in silence or otherwise. Just talking about what’s bothering you can help you feel better.

As I said we’re all in this together. We are all brothers and sisters and like brothers and sisters, we don’t always get along. But like siblings, it is our responsibility to be there for one another. Without launching into a chorus of “We Are the World,” shared pain is always lessened but shared joy is always increased. It’s one of those immutable laws that puzzles psychiatrists but delights science fiction writers. When you are a life preserver for one, you are unwittingly keeping a whole part of the ocean floating. So for real, the love you share comes back to you, often from unexpected sources. As corny and hippy-esque as it sounds, what the world needs now is more love and when you are there for someone, you are showing your love in a tangible way. Love one another – if we all follow that simple guideline, we put an end to war and conflict. Without those things, there’s no limit to what we can do as a society. When we put an end to conflict in our own lives, similarly there are no limits to what we can do as individuals. You have to admit, it isn’t a bad trade-off.

Still, that means getting out of our ruts and we humanoids love our ruts. Leaving our comfort zone is admittedly one of the most difficult things we can do, but it is necessary. The longer we stay there, the more likely it is we’re all going to drown and that my friend is unacceptable.

Intimate Conversations

As you may have noticed by now, I have no problem expressing myself and my opinions. A lot of other homo sapiens-types share that trait with me. In fact, it could be said in this age of blogging that self-expression is reaching an all-time high.

There’s a lot to be said for that. I think part of the human animal is that we all have a need to be heard and I don’t necessarily mean just lip service pretending to listen while really tuning the other person out. I’m talking really listening, giving your full attention to someone and taking in their words. When we have someone willing to do that, it’s like gold. It’s amazing how much venting your frustrations to someone who is actually listening can make you feel so much better.

I tend to be a real good listener. I have always had a tendency, going back to my not-quite-adult days, to be a shoulder for my friends, particularly my female friends. That continues even today. I have a knack to make people feel comfortable talking to me, even people I barely know. It’s a trait I share with my wife. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve had total strangers sit down with us and tell us more about themselves than they are probably used to sharing.

That can be a bit of a burden, but I look upon it as a responsibility. When you give someone the gift of your attention, you really are giving them something special. That doesn’t necessarily mean spouting your opinion and turning the conversation to yourself – that can be worse than ignoring someone. No, it’s all about listening and keeping your mouth shut as much as possible other than to acknowledge that you’ve heard what’s being said. Being an opinionated sort, I do have a tendency to give advice whether wanted or not.

Giving that kind of attention is a sort of love you give to those around you. It’s a means of letting someone else know that they are important, that they are listened to and that they are respected, and we all need that. It does take a little time, it does take a little self-discipline and it does take a lot of focus, but it is well worth it in the end for the good you do to another soul.

However, it should be said that there are times when it is appropriate to have a heart-to-heart and times when it is not. Carrying on a personal conversation should be done privately, where you can give your complete focus on the other person. Doing it in a restaurant or a movie theater is not appropriate, particularly where there are other people nearby listening to you airing out your dirty laundry. Chances are, they really don’t want to hear it – they’re there to have a meal or see a movie. Public places don’t make for great conversations, unless you are in a park or some other place where you can have a reasonable amount of privacy.

If you are going to provide an ear for someone, don’t lay conditions on it. Accept that the person may be talking about things that may make you uncomfortable – medical problems, marital problems, sexual problems you name it. Their frustration may take the form of anger from time to time and they may use language that normally might bother you. The last thing you want to do is inhibit someone from expressing themselves, even if it is in an angry or inappropriate manner. Be an adult about it. Let it go and remember it’s not just what they’re saying that is important. Generally speaking, you’ll probably get an apology later anyway; just chalk it up to the moment and move on.

Don’t be judgmental. People make mistakes and sometimes these mistakes can be catastrophic. It’s easy to point fingers when you are at a distance, a bit harder when you’re walking in that person’s shoes. If they’ve done something that bothers you, try to keep in mind that it probably took a great deal of courage for them to confess it to you and that in all likelihood they are fully aware they’ve done something wrong. No need to flog a dead horse; just give them your love and support and if they ask you what you think about what they did, reply along the lines of “I would like to think that’s not something I would do myself, but if I were in your position I don’t know what I would have done.” The important thing is to voice your support and let them know you don’t think any worse of them, even if you do lose some respect for them. Just remember that there is a person in pain in front of you and they need your help – not your judgment.

The temptation to voice your opinion is the hardest thing to get past, and I know I’m not always successful at it. I try to keep my responses to things like “Really?” or “That’s terrible!” but from time to time I can’t control my urge to put my two cents in. It’s an urge I really should resist and so should you. The best time to give an opinion is when it is asked for and just remember the reason someone is talking to you in the first place may be to ask for your advice about a predicament they’re in. If that’s the case, feel free to refrain from giving your opinion until you are satisfied they have told you everything they want to communicate about the situation. Nothing is more irritating than someone saying “Oh, well you two should try to work it out…have you seen a relationship counselor?” when the next thing they were going to see was “We have been getting counseling for months but it’s not working.” To use a lawyer-ism, let them present their case in its entirety before you pass sentence.

If you are physically in the presence of the other person, be present. Don’t look off into the distance, don’t answer your cell phone, and don’t give your attention to anything else but the other person. Be liberal with hugs and physical contact. Sometimes a hug can be a great healer. Don’t be stingy with your hugs but don’t be overbearing either. Bear hugs are inappropriate but so are weak half-hugs. One thing you don’t want to do is send the wrong message, particularly with someone of the opposite sex (or with your gay friends, the same sex). This isn’t about physical intimacy, although when someone is pouring their heart out to you there is an intimacy to it. It’s about being there.

That can be a bit of a drawback in some cases as that kind of emotional intimacy can sometimes lead to physical intimacy. In nearly every case, that’s usually a bad thing. It leads to resentment and the end of friendships, or at the very least the changing of friendships. It’s not uncommon for someone to feel like they’ve been taken advantage of. Resist the urge to bed someone who has just talked your ear off for the past two hours; be respectful but firm. If you’re attracted to the person, try to resist the temptation. If you’re really interested in a relationship with that person, let them know that after an emotional conversation like that, it might not be the best time for physical intimacy. Be strong for someone who is vulnerable; believe it or not that will generally deepen your friendship and it has been known to change the mind of someone who might not have been interested in you that way before.

Even if you are not physically there, tell the person that they are loved and appreciated. Give them the best advice you can if they ask for it, but even if you can’t help them in that regard, just knowing that there is someone out there who cares for them can go a long, long way in helping them heal. In that sense, just being there can be enough but being present can help turn the life around of another human being. So don’t be afraid to listen – or to talk. If you need me you know where to find me.

Update

Due to router issues, I haven’t been able to upload the music feature I promised nor the poetry/fiction. We hope to have these resolved later in the week. Thanks for your patience!

Program Note

I’ve been asked about my poetry and short fiction and whether or not it would see the light of day on this site. Since  more than one person has asked, I shall begin to transcribe some of my other non-essay writing here and you should start seeing it in the next few days.

Now that I’ve finished with the Six Days of Darkness on my companion blog, Cinema365 I’ll be able to devote more time to this site. Consequently the next post here will harken back to my days as the music editor at the San Jose Metro, as I’ll discuss Three Bands That Matter. This will go up later on today or tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll get away from just posting my regular Friday blog and add more material on other days of the week.

I’m also thinking of doing a little writing exercise. What I’d like to do is write some short stories with a lead character you may know – yourself. You will choose the type of story you want written, from any genre – science fiction/fantasy, romance, historical fiction, even erotic fiction if you so choose. For your part I’ll be interviewing you to find out a little more about you so I can make the story more realistic. I’m calling this little exercise “You are the Protagonist” and if it proves to be popular will be a regular feature here.

If you are interested in having a story written about you, send a comment on this post indicating that you want to give it a try and I’ll contact you back and set up a time when we can talk, either by phone or instant message. Plan on the interview taking anywhere from 30-90 minutes.

If there’s anything else you’d like to see posted, or something you’d like me to write an essay about such as a current event, affairs of the heart or just something in life that ticks you off, drop me a line. I’d love to hear from you either way.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

I’m usually a pretty people-oriented guy, but I have to admit that there are times when I wonder to myself “Why are so many people assholes?” I think most of us can agree that there are a lot of them out there, from the jerk that cuts you off in traffic and gives you the finger as they go by to the disruptive teenager in the chatroom who demands attention and thinks that by flooding the room with insults and complaints that people are going to respond to them. Worst of all are the very wealthy who have grown more and more arrogant and have taken more and more from the rest of us, having engineered the political and economic system to do just that.

I like to think of myself as easy-going but lately there has been so much less courtesy in the world. We have become a me-centric society, all about what’s in it for us. We have become more and more geared towards our own self-interest that lately that seems to be the driving force in all of our motivations. I’ve caught myself thinking that way from time to time and have begun to wonder if maybe there are other people out there thinking that I’m the asshole.

I wouldn’t be surprised. I’m just as human as the next person, and I’m subject to the same frailties. I try to make decisions based on what is best for my family and me, and I don’t really stop to think of how that affects others not in that circle. Perhaps by making choices that fit those criteria I’m actually harming other people. For example, by buying things that are less expensive at a big chain store, I’m not supporting a smaller, locally-owned store that has to charge more for their wares because they can’t afford to buy them in bulk the way a chain can.

I try not to patronize Wal-Mart for that reason – hey, they get plenty of business without my help. Still, I know that I still wind up shopping at places like Publix, Macy’s and Best Buy while ignoring the mom and pop stores that are getting to be an endangered species. Sadly, it won’t be too long before we are buying our things exclusively at chains because there won’t be any independent retailers left if things don’t change soon.

If I’m in a hurry, I’ve been known to cut other people off in traffic. I’ve also been known to slow down when someone is riding my tail. I have also gotten angry at someone else’s transgression and flashed a rude gesture or shouted some expletive at the offender. Still, maybe that person has a good reason for doing what they’re doing. Maybe they have a loved one who is sick or dying and they are trying to get to their side, or maybe the daycare facility called and said their child has a fever and has been throwing up. Chances are they’re just being jerks, especially if they’re driving a pickup truck or an SUV – jerks tend to overcompensate for their perceived shortcomings, but you never know what’s going on in the other vehicle.

The point is we are all motivated by our own self-interest. It’s easy to point the finger and blame other people for the things that bother us but the fact of the matter is we’re all guilty of the same things, without exception. Some of these aggressive drivers and rude theatergoers are actually nice people, generous and giving to their friends and family. I refuse to believe that most of the human race is rotten and selfish to the core. I do think that we have been trained, brainwashed in many ways, to be self-centered. While we profess to admiring those who are selfless and generous, to a certain extent we ridicule people like that and tend to place our greater admiration in people who have the things we want – wealth, power and privilege. At least, deep down we do – most of us probably would never admit that publically.

The truth is that the world has become a harder, colder place and our values are topsy turvy to a very real degree. It has become so difficult just to survive in the world that we’ve almost had to become that way. We used to have a very strong, very stable middle class – I know, I used to belong to it. That class is shrinking and we’re rapidly becoming a nation of the very rich and the very poor. Historically, no culture has been able to maintain itself economically without a strong middle class and most civilizations that have gone down the path that we’re going down have ended in collapse and ruin.

Not to scare you or anything. It’s easy to get riled up at the bankers, the politicians, the CEOs and the corporate entities who are doing their best to make more money by any means necessary. I get angry at the naked greed displayed by these people and wonder how long it is going to take before people rise up and demand better; I wonder if the uprising will be violent.

I hope not. I prefer to make changes with love rather than guns. I think we can change the world we live in, but how do you do it? With the problems so overwhelming, the issues that confront us from global warming to economic meltdown, from the threat of terrorism to the lack of decent healthcare, how do we make a difference? What can we possibly do to make things better?

The answer is deceptively simple. We change the world by changing ourselves. Someone much wiser than I (and there are many who are) once wrote that when you change yourself, you change the universe. It’s a very Zen attitude, I admit but there is truth in it. All of us affect at least one other person, and we are all changed by people we meet. Think about people in your own life who have affected you in a powerful way and have actually changed the way you think or act about things. Chances are you’ve affected someone the same way too.

So how do we make things better? We stop thinking about what’s best for us and even what’s best for our families and start thinking about what’s better for all of us. This is a lot harder than it sounds. Maybe doing things that are better for the planet means living a lot less comfortably than we do. Maybe doing things that are better for the community means you have less time to do things that you want to do and means taking time to do volunteer work. Maybe it means spending a weekend a month working at a local soup kitchen, helping habitat for humanity build a house or working at a charity event. Perhaps it means giving some of our hard-earned money to organizations that do things that actually do make this a better world. All of these things are excellent starts.

It is time to stop complaining about the way things are and taking a step towards the way things could be. We are all of us able to make a difference in the lives around us, not the least of which is our own life. It doesn’t mean giving away all our possessions and living like a monk, or devoting our entire lives to a cause. It just means making a change in attitude, looking more towards the world around us than at the world we live in. After all, we’re all part of something greater – and we deserve to make it great. We all feel good when we do something for others before ourselves. It gives us the kind of value we don’t have working in a cubicle from 9 to 5.

 Love yourself and the world around you is filled with love. Change yourself, and you change the world. Save yourself and you save the world too. This all may sound radical but it really isn’t. This idea has been around for centuries, going back to the ministry of Jesus Christ and well before it. Even if we make small changes they can have enormous impact. With a new decade looming on the horizon, now is a perfect opportunity to make a commitment to change. Why not? What do we really have to lose but things we don’t really need and never really wanted?

Hallow-Scream

Halloween has long been one of my favorite holidays. I will admit to having a thing for horror movies, one of the few things my wife and I don’t share. I love even bad horror movies, although I quite prefer good ones. I content myself to watching almost all of them on DVD after Da Queen is asleep, although once in a blue moon she’ll see a trailer for a horror movie that catches her eye and she is willing to go see – The Wolfman starring Benicio del Toro is one of those. She tends to prefer those that are so fantastic they couldn’t possibly happen in real life. She hates slasher films with a passion.

Horror makes for catharsis and allows us a safe means of facing our fears. It is not for everybody, of course. Some people are truly sensitive and horror movies can induce excruciating nightmares for weeks afterwards (my sister is one of those people). There are also people who have survived real-life horrors that can be brought back to mind by the suggestion of them in a horror movie. Rape survivors, for example, might become uncomfortable with a nubile female ingénue getting attacked by a lecherous serial killer or tentacled monster.

There is also a heavy sexual element to horror. Sex can be a truly fear-inducing subject, particularly among adolescents. It has been said by wiser folk than I that screams of passion aren’t that different from screams of fear; you certainly can have a hard time telling them apart from time to time.

I tend to like supernatural horror movies, but I’m happy with a good monster movie as well. Like my wife, I’m less fond of slasher movies but when done well, I can appreciate them too.

 Of late vampire movies have become popular, particularly with teens and pre-teens and even more particularly with girls. Responsible for this surge is the Twilight series of books and movies. Essentially more of a teen romance than true horror, these take a plucky teenaged heroine and give her the kind of soul-stirring, heart-rending doomed romance that appeals to the drama genes all teenagers have within them, particularly in the female gender. Most die-hard horror fans look down on the Twilight movies and I will admit to not having seen any of them, although I expect I will at some point. I will certainly cheerfully admit that there is a place for them and that even if they aren’t necessarily for me, I can’t argue that they have meaning to millions of people. That shouldn’t be discounted out of hand.

Of course, horror movies aren’t the only thing I love about Halloween. I’m fascinated by the costume choices people make. Halloween gives us the opportunity to reveal parts of our psyche we might not ordinarily allow free reign, so that the prim and proper schoolteacher might be dressed as a slutty vampire, or the heroic fireman might party down as Darth Vader. That’s not to say we can’t read too much into a costume; I know from my own personal experience that often a costume choice is made by financial and time constraints as well as by what’s available at the time. If I had my way I’d probably dress up as a super-hero, a gladiator or Tarzan; however, I don’t really have the physique to pull any of them off properly.

That’s all right though. Being something or someone we are not is a kind of catharsis as well. It allows us to express our sexuality, exercise our devilish side, hide our true faces behind masks and display our creativity. Years ago at a costume party at the late lamented Cabaret in San Jose, I asked a waitress who was dressed up in a very revealing vampire costume why she had chosen it; I had always thought her to be a bit more conservative than the other waitresses as she was a bit older, married and a mom to boot. Her answer surprised me a little bit. “Halloween allows me to be who I am inside instead of who I have to be the rest of the year.”

I like that answer. For most of the year we play the roles we are given; wife, mother, breadwinner, respected member of the community, student, whatever it might be. There are parts of ourselves that we may not be able to express because we choose to accept these roles we play, but the truth is that the sum of our parts is not always equal to the whole. We are almost always much more than who we appear to be and Halloween affords us the opportunity to display those sides of ourselves that otherwise remain submerged. Someone who must remain competent and professional gets to allow their sexuality to attract attention, and someone who is older gets to be young again. We can do all this without shame because, after all, it’s an aspect of who we are.

So I’m ready for the trick-or-treaters to come to my door. I’ve got a couple of scary movies picked out to watch (Da Queen usually allows me to watch them on Halloween, so I try to pick movies that she can tolerate). Bring on the goblins, the cowboys, the naughty nurses and French maids. Scare me if you can vampires, ghosts, zombies and monsters. Let’s get cathartic, shall we?

Packrat Society

We have a love affair with our things. Particularly in American society, we have this apparently insatiable desire to own more and more. We have developed a pathological need to keep things even when we don’t use them.

We are a packrat society. We have the urge to collect and acquire and feel somehow less successful as people when our collections are incomplete. It is almost a compulsion, guiding us like programs in a robot. Everyone reading this knows somebody in their lives who keeps things that they don’t need to have; maybe it’s even you yourself.

I have movies and compact discs. Our house is full of DVDs and CDs. I don’t even listen to CDs anymore, or rarely. Most of the music I listen to is on my iPod. Still, I can’t quite bring myself to get rid of them. In the case of DVDs, I tend to try to watch movies I haven’t seen, either on cable or through rentals. I rarely have time to see the DVDs I own (and to be fair, a lot of that goes to trying to keep my daily movie review blog, Cinema365, current). Do I need all these DVDs? Not in the least, but you can ask Da Queen that whenever she suggests doing a “spring cleaning” of DVDs I tend to get panic-stricken.

I can’t explain it really. For example, I haven’t seen The Last Samurai in probably two years but if Doreen asked me if we could put it in a garage sale or take it to a place that buys used DVDs I’d probably say no, just on the chance that we might want to watch it later. We’re running out of places to store the damn things but still I go to Blockbuster every so often to buy five or six of them at a time.

I think that our materialism stems from the bombardment we get here in this country of advertising. We are told, from an early age, to buy this or buy that. Limited collectors’ editions, get them now before they are all gone. Collect them all! We are shown images of happy people displaying their treasures.

The reality, though, is that these things tend to gather dust in an attic, a closet or a garage and nobody ever sees them, not even the people who own them. I’m sure if you went into your closet right now you would find something you bought years ago but for the life of you can’t remember why you kept it. Go on – I’ll wait while you check it out.

Of course, there are things we need not only out of necessity but for comfort too. We all want a bed to sleep in and pillows, blankets and sheets to make our slumber more comfortable. We need places to sit, tables to sit at and pots and pans to cook in. Our daily lives demand it.

But do we really need these things? After all, humans slept on the ground for thousands of years before beds came along. People still sleep on the ground. Many poor people make due without chairs and tables, or pots to cook in. Humans find a way – it is in our nature to do so.

It’s also in our nature to want more, to be comfortable and there’s nothing wrong with that. I have a very comfortable house and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I enjoy the things that make my home a place of refuge. After all, we spend most of our lives here – we should feel comfortable in it.

Still, this need to acquire goes beyond comfort. I don’t need to have all these DVDs and CDs to be comfortable. Do women really need to have 30 pairs of shoes? Probably not, but some women like to have that many and more so that they can look stylish. The same goes for clothes.

Some men have all the tools you can possibly need on the oft chance that they might use it once or twice during their lifetime. How often are you really going to need all 60 pieces of your socket wrench set after all? I would be willing to bet that most guys only use five or six different settings most of the time and a few more occasionally. I know that on our socket wrench set (a gift by the way) there are more settings we haven’t used than ones that we have.

Obviously, some things command sentimental value. A gift from someone important to you, items related to fond memories that we have. There are things I have that are legacies of my dad that I could never possibly get rid of. These are important things, part of the fabrics of our lives.

But there is no sentimental value in collecting all of the Star Wars collection of glasses from McDonalds. Nobody needs the entire collection of Shrek action figures, unless you’re a kid who plays with them.

What it boils down to is a case of greed. We saw what happened to comic book and baseball card collections, to doll and porcelain collections and we grew to understand that these are investments, not collections. Like any investment, there’s a risk – perhaps the collection of genuine antique bottle caps might someday go up in value, but there’s a chance that it will simply be worthless junk. Still, we hope someday that Junior’s college education will be paid for through our diligence.

Compulsion is a sign of anxiety and we as a society have plenty to be anxious about. Deep down, we realize we are caught in a system designed to keep us from advancing to a higher economic strata and we look for shortcuts to get there. The American dream is that if we work hard and are talented enough, we will finish farther ahead than where we started, giving our children a head start in life. The reality is that even with hard work and talent, that’s generally not enough to move ahead. You need luck and timing to get there too – and maybe a vintage collection of hand-drawn Max Fleischer animation celluloid art. Lacking the last item, we look for something that will take us there and along the way, satisfy an urge we can never truly understand.

Our Fair World

Next May, my wife Doreen and I are going to be taking a trip to China. It’s always been a goal of mine to see this country, one of the most beautiful on Earth, for myself but I must admit that the impetus for this trip is the World’s Fair, Expo 2010 in Shanghai.

I’m a bit of a Worlds Fair junkie, I must admit. My mom and dad took me to the New York World’s Fair back in 1964 which, quite frankly, I remember nothing of. There are pictures my mom…or dad, I’m not sure which…took of some elephants parading near one of the entrance gates to the fair, but strangely they either put their camera away or were too dazzled to take any further photos. In any case, the pictures of the elephants are all I remember of that fair.

In 1986, while I was living in San Jose, Expo 86 came to Vancouver and I made plans to go see it. My father passed away a few months before I was scheduled to go; after some soul searching and urging from my mother, I decided to go anyway. I brought a camera with me, determined to take pictures. I took several badly out of focus shots with my cheap camera, then promptly became too dazzled to take any further pictures.

As a 26-year-old man, I remember being caught up in the magic of the fair. I went from pavilion to pavilion, looking at the various modes of transportation that were available. I rode a couple of rides, took in the Spirit Lodge in the GM Motors Pavilion (it was moved after the fair to Knotts Berry Farm in Buena Park where I believe it remained until recently) and loved every minute of the experience. I went near the end of the fair, so it was a bit bittersweet in many ways but from then on I was determined to see as many of these things as I could.

Unfortunately, all the rest have been on different continents. I have not attended a single Worlds Expo since 1986, but given the magnitude of the new one going up in Shanghai, I felt that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. My wife Doreen has never seen one of these things, so I convinced her that this was the one to see.

Many Americans remain blissfully ignorant about the whole World’s Fair thing. They figure that they can go to EPCOT in Orlando if they need to see international pavilions and while I admit that there is a bit of the Expo in EPCOT, the two just don’t compare. It’s a moment for the international community to come together and take pride in their accomplishments; to marvel at the wonders on the horizon that will soon become a part of daily life.

Skeptical? Keep in mind that such devices as television, high-speed trains, video phones, hot dogs, ice cream cones, personal computers and GPS devices all made their debuts at Worlds Fairs. In more recent fairs, technology has taken the forefront as we see changes in architecture, information exchange and building materials as the nations of the world move towards environmentally responsible living spaces. The theme of next year’s Expo is “Better Cities, Better Living” as meeting the challenges of 21^st century urban life is explored. We will see how different nations are dealing with problems like overcrowding, resource distribution, traffic congestion, and quality of life. We will see what the cities of the next 50 years are going to evolve into, or at least aspire to evolve into. Hopefully, we’ll be able to take some of these ideas back to Apopka and maybe put a bug into the ears of our elected officials if we see an idea that’s especially inspiring.

Yes, seeing the Great Wall and the Forbidden City are on our agenda and I’m very mindful that China’s ancient culture is worth exploring at length, as well as their status as a modern emerging nation that is poised to be a global leader in the 21^st century. It is in our best interest to get to know her better.

Still, the fair is important in ways that go beyond the excitement of flying to China. We, as Americans have had a tendency to remain aloof from the world community. In Europe, where you can drive through two or three nations in the course of a day or two, they are keenly aware of the need to be a part of a greater whole. Here in the States, we have that cowboy mentality that is all about self-reliance, to the point of being more like Greta Garbo than Marshall Dillon. We don’t need anybody; we’re just fine after all.

Except we’re not fine. Far from it, as a matter of fact. Our country has been run by greedy CEOs and short-sighted politicians for far too long. We need to realize that we all share the same planet, and that we need to be united as a species to protect it, nurture it and revive that which we have shamefully allowed to be poisoned. We need to look towards exploring the frontiers of our horizons; end hunger, cure disease and better our living situations. We need to push the envelopes of science and use it to understand the universe we live in, explore distant worlds and use our resources wisely. In short, we need to join hands with the world and march confidently into a better tomorrow.

If that sounds all Carousel of Progress, well that was from a World’s Fair too. If we want our economy to get better, we need to improve our trade with other nations and learn to work co-operatively instead of competitively. We need to get out of this moronic mindset of maximizing short-term profits and instead plan for the future. We are moving whether we like it or not into a global economy and if we’re going to remain relevant as a nation we are going to have to find a way to work within it instead of trying to exploit it.

One big step would be for the United States to re-join the Bureau of International Expositions. The 2012 and 2015 fairs have already been awarded to Yeosu, Korea and Milan, respectively so by the time the next Worlds Fair hosting opportunities come up, it will have been more than 30 years since a World Exposition has been held on U.S. soil. Think of the opportunities for improving trade and establishing new trading partners with emerging nations that our businesses could have. The World’s Fair infrastructure is geared for that; nearly every international pavilion has a V.I.P. area for business leaders from other nations to meet with trade officials from the pavilion host to better facilitate trade. These are opportunities we are missing because of our own mulish tendencies.

We have always patted ourselves on the back about the quality of life here and the high standard of living. We have found out the hard way that those things are highly transitory, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be a nation to be proud of again. We can be a world leader by learning to co-exist in the world, and lead it through respect for our wisdom and our compassion – or we can continue to be the world’s bully and watch the inevitable slide into history with the fallen empires of the past. Personally, I’d prefer the first option – but the people of America need to change their mindsets first. A visit to the fair is a good way of opening your eyes – and if you can’t make the fair in person, there will be an extensive online version that will help you get there. You can go to the official site of the fair http://en.expo2010.cn/ to find out more about it.