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The Male-Female Minefield


I admit that the majority of my friends are women. It’s not because I’m un-manly or relate to them better, it’s just the way things worked out. However, it does give me a somewhat different perspective on the male-female dynamic.

Certainly there are things about the female mindset that I don’t understand. I am fully aware that men tend to value logic more whereas women tend to value feeling and intuition. Of course, there are always exceptions to that – and it’s not to say that women can’t be logical or men intuitive. Generally, there’s a balance to be had that allows us to have a meeting of the minds as it were, that allows us to communicate and, in a limited way, understand each other. Still, the gulf between the sexes is wide. Sometimes I think we understand our pets better than we understand each other.

I am often asked by my female friends about the male pre-occupation with sex. Why, they ask, is it so important to us? I generally respond “is it so un-important to you?” to which I’m told “of course not.” However, in all honesty, I often wonder about it myself.

I like to think I don’t view women as objects, but I’ll admit to a healthy curiosity about what they look like naked. When I think about it, I do feel a sense of shame. I value my friends, women and men, and I try not to objectify them. Still, I catch myself fantasizing. I try to rationalize it away as “a guy thing” but there’s a sense of shame connected with it. I like to think I’m better than that. It’s kind of disappointing when I realize that I’m not.

The fact that I have these thoughts doesn’t necessarily mean I want to act on them. Still, when I think about it objectively, I do find it a bit fascinating. I do believe this kind of behavior is a primeval imperative. It has to do with perpetuation of the species, a basic primal urge in any life form, like the survival instinct.

Still, it’s a baser instinct and one which the female of the species has managed to overcome – to an extent. Certainly the urge to bear children is strong in women as well – the whole biological clock thing. I think that this urge leads to some of the bad choices they make in romantic decisions. Women often act on the theory that being with the wrong man is better than being alone. It’s almost a compulsion with some, as if they cannot be without a boyfriend/husband for very long. It’s as if their identity is wrapped up in who they’re with.

For many men, their identity is wrapped up in how far they can spread their seed. The more women they can score with, the more this urge is satisfied. It leads to a mindset where women are disposable, meant to be used and then discarded. It’s not a very attractive quality, but at least I can understand it to an extent. These are men ruled by baser instincts who may not even realize they’re doing it. Not all of these guys are jerks, although a great percentage of them are. For the most part, we aren’t out to hurt the women we treat this way, it’s just a necessary by-product of doing what we do. There are, of course, those who know what they’re doing and revel in it in fact, but that’s not really the norm. Most guys are just behaving as their genetics tell them to.

Really, that’s what it boils down to for all of us. We’re no different than any other animal – we do what we are programmed to. Sometimes, that programming does harm to others even though we don’t necessarily wish it to. Women, after all, sometimes unintentionally cause pain in guys they reject. It’s not because they want to – it’s simply an inevitable part of love and romance. The same is true, of course of men who reject women.

Understanding each other is not, I think, truly a life necessity. After all, we’ve managed to make it this far without doing so. Somehow, I don’t think that’s the point. The point is that we co-exist with each other and for that, a certain amount of understanding is necessary. Not so much of each other, but of ourselves – why we do the things we do. When you understand your own motivations, your interactions with others become clearer. You are able to have better relationships with others because you know why you do what you do.

The truth is, romantic relationships are a minefield. No matter how carefully we walk through them, sooner or later we get blown up and have to start over again. Knowing where the mines are, however, can help us navigate through them better. Being the animals we are, sometimes we still walk directly to the mines even knowing in advance where they are, but still knowing ourselves – who we are and why we do what we do – can give us a fighting chance of making it through the minefield with at least our dignity intact.

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2 Responses

  1. So true and so close to what I msyelf think about it… Just feels incredible to read it. I could have written more or less the same though probqbly not as half gifted as you in that respect 🙂

  2. Hi,

    Thank you for the great quality of your blog, each time i come here, i’m amazed.

    black hattitude.

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