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A Love That Dare Not Speak It’s Name

Love comes in all shapes and sizes. It’s never the same way twice, even for the same couple. It evolves and changes as we evolve and change. But we still pursue it and when we find that special someone, the one we know we want to be with forever and ever, taking the next step can still be tricky. There are always doubts, there’s always fear. But, usually in the end, there’s always that feeling that while you’re life may be changing, it’s changing for the better.

That’s what marriage gives us – the arena to declare our commitment to each other, the means of joining two lives into one life together. It’s something of a miracle – considering the percentage of marriages that end up in divorce. Even so, when a marriage works it is the closest we humans get to heaven on Earth.

Marriage isn’t for everybody. Some people are just fine without it, but I believe that anyone who chooses to live together, join their lives and fortunes together are married whether any institution recognizes it or not.

Which is why I get so angry at all the so-called ‘Good Christians’ who seem hell-bent on preventing gay marriage. “It’s an abomination. Marriage is between a man and a woman period. The purpose of marriage is for procreation period. It shouldn’t be permitted because the Bible says it’s a sin.”

The Bible says lots of things are sins. Some of them are very much sinful, but others are kind of ridiculous and nobody really pays attention to them anymore. Apparently, sodomy is a sin – but most married couples (and plenty of unmarried ones) practice it every day. I don’t hear anybody moaning to make a law about that.

The fact of the matter is that there are no practical reasons to prevent it. If marriage exists solely for the procreation aspect, then should childless couples be forced to divorce? Should those who state from the beginning they don’t want children then not be allowed to marry? Of course not – and nobody says that those things should come to pass.

In fact the only reason that most people can truly give for gay marriage to be prevented is the belief that marriage should exist only between a man and a woman and that belief stems from only one source – the Bible. Now, I’m no expert on the Bible and I’m not here to bash it – there are a lot of valuable lessons in it that apply now three millennia after it was written, and that’s impressive. But I am one of those heathens who believe that the Bible shouldn’t be a source for civil codes of law.

I’m also one of those hopeless romantics who believes that love is a good thing no matter what form it takes and it should be celebrated as the precious commodity that it is. Yes, I’m a pansy and I admit it – love is more important to me than hate. Kissing is better to me than killing. I’d rather spend my day screwing the one I love rather than screwing people out of their cash, if you’ll forgive some bluntness.

I like to think I have a pretty decent moral compass. I like to think also that I’m fairly ethical. So it ticks me off when people say “If you believe that gay marriage is all right than you’re immoral.” That kind of thing is a crock. Morality has to do with what’s right and not following a 3,000 year old book (or more to the point, how people interpret that 3,000 year old book) lockstep.

Where I have to diverge from the Biblical aspects of the debate is solely the human terms. I’ve known a number of gay people in my life and I’m honored to call some of them close friends. I’ve also known a number of gay people in my life who are utter assholes.

The thing is, they are people. Just like you, just like me. You may not approve of who they are attracted to – but then again, I don’t approve of some of the people straight people are attracted to. But it’s none of my business to tell someone who to love. It’s not my place to even join that conversation. All I know is I found someone to love and that’s all I really need. If that makes me an expert, okay but quite frankly, given my romantic track record, I’m probably not the person to advise anybody on their love lives.

To me, the state shouldn’t be sticking its nose into anybody’s love life. Most conservatives believe that the state shouldn’t be regulating anyone’s personal life or at least as little as possible. However they seem to be okay about it when it comes to gay men and lesbians. In fact, they go out of their way to enact legislation or author ballot propositions that abrogate the right to marry for gay people.

Disallowing gay marriage marginalizes gay people. It trivializes them. It makes them second class citizens, social slaves. They can work, they can contribute to the economy but let them get married and enjoy life with their partners? No way Jose! And while we’re at it, Jose get your ass back over the border to Mexico where you belong! I don’t care if you have a green card. Skeedaddle. But don’t forget to pick the cotton we hired you to do boy!

Okay, the last might be a bit extreme but the mentality is the same in my book, or at least springs from the same source. It’s the kind of thinking that I find repulsive, that someone is less important than you because of something about them, be it their skin color, their religion or their sexual orientation. If you voted to make gay marriage illegal, it is exactly the same as voting to ban African-Americans from voting or for Jews to be sent to ghettos. Yes, I’m calling you a Nazi and a Klansman. Sorry if it’s painful, but the shoe fits you like Cinderella and her glass slipper.

I’m sure that’s going to make some people angry and maybe even strain or break a few friendships and I’m truly sorry for that. But I also hope it makes some people think about what they’re doing. Think about what the source of this all is. It’s not coming from a place of love, but from a place of hate and fear. As I said, I’m no expert on the Bible but I do know that it was meant to be a document generated out of love. Most of what Christ preached was about looking out for one another, caring for one another and loving one another. Is denying people the rights and privileges of marriage an act of love? Or an act of hate? You tell me.


4 Responses

  1. 2 things come to mind. This issue pisses me off because the people who are for same sex marriage are against people who are against same sex marriage. Thats not fair. Whatever happened to we are all entitled to our own moral compass? Secondly, my dearest friend Carlos, I must say when you take on the Bible as if you are mad at the way some people have interpreted it, you are taking on the one and only God and that my friend, is not something I myself would do.You are entitled to your own opinion and I sincerely hope you will honor my right to mine too. Hugs and Kisses, M

    • Certainly I have no objection to you having an opinion and/or moral compass that is different from mine and I realize that we may differ on our point of views. I don’t see myself as taking on God – I see myself as promoting love and tolerance and to me that is doing God’s work.

      I don’t have an issue with opinions; I have an issue with people saying that gay people can’t have the same rights and priveleges as straight people. I also hate that they use the Bible to justify this.

      75 years ago the Bible was used to justify treating African Americans as less than human. 150 years ago, it was used to justify slavery. I cannot sit by and watch people made miserable because we can’t get past our own fears and hatreds Margo; to me that is the very thing that Christ taught us to oppose. I’m truly sorry you don’t see it that way, but that doesn’t mean I don’t respect you and treasure you just as much. I only hope I can persuade you someday of the validity of my point of view.

  2. We live in anxious times , the fearful gain courage walking in lock step.

  3. Carlos I applaud you for shouting out. All consenting adults should have the right to love as they please. I would love to hear your honest open opinion on those who find love via genetic sexual attraction. Maybe another contraversial topic to stir the coldroun with.

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